In my last post, If Al Roker was a Dentist, I received quite a few comments. One comment by Doug got me to think about change. I mean serious permanent change.
I coach dentists and help them to apply permanent changes in their life and practices. Not an easy task. So let me tell you about a New Years resolution I made this year.
I make a lot of resolutions. I am pretty good at keeping them too. It takes discipline and attention to process and faith that your efforts will bear fruit.
The Controversial renegade 60’s psychologist R.D. Laing
This year I attempted to change a behavior that I thought was getting in my way...making inflammatory comments. Whenever I set a resolution I create a monitor to track my progress. I use an app on my iPad and iPhone that allows me to record my daily progress. You can do this for weight control as well as your daily production. It keeps you focused and is absolutely required if you want to change a habit or create a new one.
Things were going along very well. I made a few remarks to some people and got into a few arguments, but one thing it did was brought my awareness to another level. In time things slowed down so I was able to catch myself. I became what some call “a noticer.”
I was beginning to experience what I often speak about when I refer to Covey’s first habit…Be Proactive. I was finding the gap between stimulus and response. I was living the R.D. Laing quote:
“The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change; until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds.”
Then a funny thing happened. Someone directed an inflammatory comment at me. I was in this slowed down state so it stopped me in my tracks, and instead of reacting (I was in the gap between stimulus and response), I realized that the person who made the comment was making a value judgement about me…and I didn’t like it.
It brought me back to the patient I discussed in the Al Roker post. I realized that the source of the comments were nothing more than expressions of value judgements. Judgements that might be as inflammatory as —you’re not good enough.
Can you think of a better way to upset someone? As Doug mentioned in his comment this applies way beyond our practices…to our private lives.
Here’s the best part.
I am now six weeks into my resolution. People are treating me better. Conversations are more meaningful than ever before. I feel attractive (not physically…those days are way behind me now).
I would like to know your opinions on this issue. We all need to improve relationships…I may have stumbled upon a way to make this a permanent change.
